I thought I got my life together. I do crave stability.

As someone who been living life on his own, since 4^th grade,
I understand where this feeling come from.
I have to let it go. This feeling…they started to pulling me down, further.
Further down. I remembered I let go. 

But, I remembered I lived my life, freely. 

 

Didn’t i?

 

I moved to this big city..i forgot, when. 

New persona. New name.

New visions. New me. New city.

I left my old self…he died when he’s 11, in his own hometown.

Time flies so fast, when you’re focus. 

So focus that you forgot to comeback to yourself.

At the same time you remembered you been living life as yourself, throughout the years you thought you master life, you master survival mode, you master every hustle that come with struggles

But one night you sit alone with yourself, just thinking, just observing everything, tracking back everything that turns out, you don’t know yourself at all

You don’t know nothing at all

Who is he? Who is he? Who is me? Who am I?

 

I work so much. That I don’t have time to feel my feelings. 

That I don’t have time to ask myself

“Aiden, how are you, really?”

 

I looked in the mirror and I see myself..a young man. 

A stranger that feel familiar.

A stranger?

Who am I?

“oh….wake up Aiden! It’s 08.00 you have to work!”

And then I leave me again

I told him “bye, see you later. Got to chase the bread”

I fixed things by leaving, I thought I’m doing it right

 

09.00-11.00 : meeting [ok]
12.00-14.00 : field visit work [ok]
14.00-17.00 : finishing your deadline [ok]

 

I catch myself just before I hit the bed, ticking the ‘to do list’ box like it’s my life or die,

oh….super important that I forgot to ask myself 

 

“Aiden, how are you today, really?”